This week was tough in the world of motherhood. I blinked and Finley has become much more independent, always wanting down to play with her sister, eating table food on her own, and she screams with frustration when I try to help her. The reason the week was tough is because, as if she wasn’t acting as if she didn’t need mom already, she weaned herself from nursing.
I’m not an overly sentimental mom. Don’t get me wrong because I love my girls and take in all the kisses, hugs, and sweet moments I can. But I don’t long to rock my kids all day or breastfeed them until they are able to ask for it with words. I don’t hope they need me for every little thing and I don’t wish that they cuddled next to me all night long. However, as I realized that Finley was pushing me away and squealing when I’d try to nurse her, I felt a tad bit sad. At first I attributed this behavior to teeth, runny nose, etc. but as days turned into a week with no nursing whatsoever, I knew that this was truly her telling me she no longer needs me in this way.
By day 7 I knew that our breastfeeding journey had come to an end and I felt a pit in my stomach. Half of me was so happy to have my body completely to myself, no longer worrying about what shirts I needed to wear to have “easy access”. I also was excited to have a little more freedom as being away from her longer periods of time would no longer be an issue. The other half of me was disappointed that I didn’t live in the moment as much as I should have. I wish I would have taken more pictures. I wish I would have held her closer when she needed to eat at 3 AM. I wish I wouldn’t have longed for her to be older and more independent because I could have used that time enjoying these precious moments I just described.
When you’re exhausted mentally and physically with being a mom, sometimes all you do is dream of the days they can sit up on their own, eat on their own, walk, etc. But as I see my last baby doing all these things I wished for, it is bittersweet and I wished I’d lived in the moment more often. Take as many pictures and videos as you can. Write in their baby book. Be thankful for when they only want you. Because in the blink of an eye they’ll be showing their independence and you’ll be missing these exhausting days.
“Lord, I thank you for all the mamas/parents reading this post. I pray that they find comfort from you in these exhausting days of raising children. I pray that they remember to savor these days and live in the moment, instead of wishing their lives away. Help them to feel peace that can only come from you in their frustration. Help them to remember how blessed they are to have these children to raise. In Jesus name, Amen.”